Feb 6, 2007
Funny One Liners
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.
I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
Good guys are like public bathrooms, either full of crap or taken.
I like my women how I like my coffee, hot, strong and on the kitchen table.
I used to be an atheist, but then I realized I'm God.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
I'm a drunk, not an alcoholic. I don't go to those meetings.
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat.
A picture is worth 500 to 1500 words depending on how good looking you are.
If bald people get hit on the head, do they get hairline fractures?
Don't look at me with that tone of voice.
It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.
Men are like parking spaces - the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
I am having an out of money experience.
Smoking is a dying art
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.
I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
Good guys are like public bathrooms, either full of crap or taken.
I like my women how I like my coffee, hot, strong and on the kitchen table.
I used to be an atheist, but then I realized I'm God.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
I'm a drunk, not an alcoholic. I don't go to those meetings.
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat.
A picture is worth 500 to 1500 words depending on how good looking you are.
If bald people get hit on the head, do they get hairline fractures?
Don't look at me with that tone of voice.
It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.
Men are like parking spaces - the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
I am having an out of money experience.
Smoking is a dying art
funny business
After all is said and done, more is said than done.
Any design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
A difficult task will be halted near completion by one tiny, previously insignificant detail.
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
If there is ever the possibility of several things to go wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
If something breaks, and it stops you from doing something, it will be fixed when you no longer need it; are in the middle of something else; or don't want it to be fixed because now you don't want to do what you were supposed to do.
Any design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
A difficult task will be halted near completion by one tiny, previously insignificant detail.
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
If there is ever the possibility of several things to go wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
If something breaks, and it stops you from doing something, it will be fixed when you no longer need it; are in the middle of something else; or don't want it to be fixed because now you don't want to do what you were supposed to do.
Feb 2, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
