Funny News

Two Soviet Ships Collide - One Dies

Two Sisters Reunite After Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter

Never Withhold Herpes From Loved One

Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy

Drunk Drivers Paid $1,000 in 1984

Autos Killing 110 a Day, Let's Resolve to do Better

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly it May Last a While

War Dims Hope for Peace

Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday

Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years

New Housing for Elderly Not Yet Dead

Man is Fatally Slain

Funny News

Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan

Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung

Police Found Safe Under Blanket

William Kelly Was Fed Secretary

Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails - Veterinarian Takes Over

NJ Judge to Rule on Nude Beach

Child's Stool Great for Use in Garden

Dr. Ruth to Talk About Sex With Newspaper Editors

The Governor's Pen Is Busy (without the space between the 3rd and 4th words)

Organ Festival Ends in Smashing Climax

Eye Drops Off Shelf

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Lawmen From Mexico Barbecue Guests

Miners Refuse to Work After Death

Funny Headlines

Dead Officer on Force for 18 Years
Woman Kicked by her Husband said to be Greatly Improved

MacArthur Flies Back to Front

Deer Kill 17,000

Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Passengers Hit by Cancelled Trains

New Vaccine To Contain Rabies

Lucky Victim Stabbed Three Times

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

President of Company Says, "Stud Tires Out"

Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire

Bridge Held Up By Red Tape

Man, Minus Ear, Waives Hearing

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told

British Left Waffles on Falklands

Schwarzenegger Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead

New Vaccine May Contain AIDS

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Hospitals Sued By Seven Foot Doctors

Expert Says Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked By Board

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One

Supreme Court Rules that Murderers shall not be electrocuted twice for the same Crime

Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

House Passes Gas Tax Onto Senate